How are you reacting to your child being dyslexic? Let me share with you three tips for emotional wellbeing that will help you to support your child more effectively.
When I first started to realise that my daughter was struggling in school with literacy, I immediately thought about the word “Dyslexia”. I even thought about it in terms of “What’s wrong with my child?” and for a while my view on my child’s needs was skewed by assumption, stereotypes and most of all stress. My daughter’s experience even made me relive some of my own experiences of being different in class bringing with that familiar feelings that for many years I tried to ignore.
Being a parent of a child with dyslexia will bring about your own emotional response, unique to you and it will also affect how you go about negotiating support. If you don’t look after your own emotional wellbeing during this period of adjusting to just having the knowledge that your child is dyslexic, then this will affect how you relate to your child’s education providers as you seek support.
So let me share three tips for emotional wellbeing that could help you if you are in this position at the moment…
Gain a positive perspective on what it means for your child to have dyslexia.
Every parent is a different person. They are unique and will have a unique reaction to having a child with dyslexia. So often, when we think of children having a ‘condition’ we jump onto a ‘disease perspective’. We perhaps focus on the negatives of what dyslexia means without thinking about the bigger picture that includes a lot of positives. And who can blame a parent for doing that? After all, dyslexia affects how a child learns in school, affects grades and so potentially causes problems for their future, doesn’t it?
The answer to that question is of course “Yes” but it is not the whole picture. The temptation is to let the negatives of being dyslexic define our view of our child’s education when our child’s education is a load more than good grades. It is also about their life experiences, their social skills, their hobbies and interests, their mental well being.
Yes, dyslexia brings about challenges in school. The school system is simply not geared up to support the 25% of the student population who will be experiencing special educational needs and so those challenges will need to be addressed but it is HOW we deal with those challenges with our children that is going to count. Building resilience and overcoming challenges will help their positive self-esteem develop.
So my tip for you is to consider what is positive about your child’s (or your) dyslexia whilst also acknowledging the challenges. I am not suggesting an attempt to switch of concerns about challenges, but let’s find a balance in how we view our children’s dyslexia. For me, I was encouraged by my daughter’s people skills and her ability to ask for help and so often win people over to helping her and this balanced out the impact of how dyslexia affected her school experience.
I know how hard dyslexia can impact on a child and the rest of the family. It isn’t always an easy ride but as parents we need to show our children that life is more than just the challenges that dyslexia brings, somehow for me this seemed to make it easier for me, for my daughter and our relationship with the school staff supporting her.
Get to know the needs of your child first before reading up on what the label of ‘Dyslexia’ means.
If I can be flippant for a moment…
Have you ever had a situation where you or a loved one have gotten ill with a condition that you hadn’t heard of before and so Googled it? The search from Google then returned lots of website articles about the extremes for that illness and what it could lead to thus leading you to be terrified of what it really meant to have that particular condition?
Understandably, parents may do the same with dyslexia and then find that they see all kinds of information about what dyslexia is and how difficult it can make passing through education and so before the parent has had a chance to breath, their minds are full of the negatives associated with dyslexia and it perhaps ‘colours’ ones next steps in supporting the child.
Don’t get me wrong, we has parents do need to gain an understanding of what dyslexia is but there is a problem. Dyslexia is a spectrum condition, meaning that no two people have the same experience of it. For some, being dyslexic is simply a minor annoyance on a day to day basis for others it can really put barriers in the way for learning in mainstream education causing stress and anxiety. The problem is that the term ‘dyslexia’ conjures up assumptions or stereotypes and if we as parents cling to those then we will not get the right support for our children.
We need to understand what the experience of dyslexia means for our children and be careful not to define it ourselves by ill informed assumptions. What are their particular needs at any particular stage in school, college and university. Once you know what the child’s needs are then you are more likely to have a better discussion with your child’s school on how those needs can be met. I don’t know about you, but when I was able to have a dialogue with my daughter’s school about her needs then we seemed to make better progress.
I have recently written an online course about understanding dyslexia, the strengths and weaknesses and the importance of getting support for your child. It is a short course that will give you a solid introduction to these topics. Click here or the banner below to take a look at the free preview to see if it is for you.
My first online course for parents who are new to the ‘dyslexia learning curve’. Click the banner for a free preview.
Know that you have a legal right to ask for support for your child’s needs from your school and Local Authority.
If you follow this blog regularly then you will know how much I bang on about our right as parents to expect the education system to meet the needs of our children as they develop through primary, secondary education and beyond.
The Equalities Act 2010 is on your side if your school is not providing support. I won’t write a lot here but click this link to listen to a podcast that I recorded with Nicole Lee, Education Solicitor from SEN Legal Ltd, specialists in getting support in place for children with any kind of disability.
Once I realised that I had a right to push for support (and the school did say no at one point), I had the confidence to persistently request meetings to review progress. This made a huge difference.
What are your thoughts?
Has this blog article been useful to you? Do you agree with what I have suggested? Do you disagree? I want to hear from you. The more we as parents talk about this the more we can work together to get the education system to provide our children with the support that they need to be the best version of themselves. Please pop a comment in the comments box below and if you want to join my Parenting Dyslexia community and get free resources that help then please subscribe below and indicate that you are a parent.